to my new "friend"

dear mom of boy2's friend,

thank you for repeatedly calling my house early on Saturday morning when your delinquent son tells you that "boy2's mom said ......." since your son has always been completely honest with you, of course you should believe everything he says about me. of course the best thing for you to do is call my house and rip me apart for my son's behavior.

may i point out, once again, that my son has never been sent to a foreign country for a year because we couldn't control him? may i also point out, that my son passed his test? (did you even have yours tested?...oh wait, it was his bong...sorry, i forgot) i'm pretty sure my child is not completely at fault here.

really? can we just admit that our boys make stupid decisions when together and quit all the stupid finger pointing? let's try this: we will continue to do the best we can at this parenting game and we suggest that you do the same. if you would like to sit down and CALMLY discuss boundaries for our boys, we are more than willing.

and as far as your excuse that you are a single mom and i can't possible understand what that is like? you're right, i don't know how hard it is to raise kids alone. but last time i looked around, there are lots of successful people who were raised in a single parent home.

learn the word "no" and enforce it. when he comes home late and under the influence, take his phone and computer away. drive him to school and pick him up. if he's not there, call the police and report him as a runaway. if he's leaving campus during the day, ask for permission to attend school with him. take a good book and sit in the back of all his classes. he's not as tough as he pretends to be. call his bluff. show up randomly at the places he says he's going. keep him off balance. who cares if you look like an overly-protective mom? our job is to raise them to be productive members of society. there are no rules about how we accomplish that.  as soon as he knows that you are willing to do ANYthing to help him succeed, he'll calm down.

parenting isn't easy and sometimes we have to be "out of control" to get our point across. your son needs to know two things: 1. that you love him more than anything and 2. that there is no limit to what you will do if you think he is in trouble and headed down the wrong path.

oh... and sorry about that intense message on your machine....the sentiment is accurate but i probably could have conveyed it in a more mature manner.

boy2's mom

p.s. if you call my machine and go off like that again, i will file harrassment charges. i have no pride and no problem being extreme....ask my kids.


  1. Did I mention that I'm SOOOO glad my boys are raised and out of my home?

    I got a call once that one of my sons had possibly bought booze for an underage kid- I just said, he doesn't live here anymore, he's 21. If you know for sure it was him-call the cops.

    Of course, we still spoke to our son about it-and all the ramifications of doing something so stupid and illegal, but really- what do they expect parents to do to an adult child, living on his own? We could no longer ground him or even take away privilages.

    Turns out it wasn't him, but that doesn't mean he had never done this- but still, the DRAMA is not something I miss.

    I feel for you.

    *I even had mothers of the girls my sons were dating calling at all hours to get details on why my son broke up with their daughters. Then try to convince me that their daughter needed to marry my son, and I should talk to him. Seriously. These ladies (2 of them) had "chosen" my son for their daughters, and the girls fell in love and wanted to marry them. The moms were trying to convince me it was meant to be and I should talk to my sons.
    2 different times this happened to me.

  2. I am sorry, but relieved... I just found out my too cool for her britches daughter may have been text bullying... Luckily this family attends the same church as us (I really wish someone could declare a sarcasm font) so next Sunday we get to see exactally what was sent... Joy.

  3. Ugh--drama. Sorry friend. Hope everything pans out in the end. :)

  4. Very well-said. Unfortunately, parents like the one you refer to seldom "get it".

  5. she might not get it but i feel better now. i'm not sure why i'm still surprised when i run across parents like this. she doesn't want to work with us, she just wants to blame someone. my heart hurts for the boy...